To the Management and Hospitality Staff Of the Hotel Roma:
My conscience drives me to write this letter however removed the subject. Please be informed that we have disposed of the mattress cover and matching sheet from room 204.
By no means is it because of any untidiness prior to our arrival, your housekeeping staff deserves commendation for a Rome themed hotel well outside of Miami.
Unfortunately, the sheets were soiled of our own volition.
My wife and I are presently going through an experimental phase in our marriage and felt that your hotel- affordable yet lacking the integrity of a marital bedroom- was the proper setting.
While our first intention was to clean the sheets, after the first washing we determined that the amount of bleach necessary would dissolve any such linen.
I realize how dismantling it must be to be informed of such behavior. Even we find it appalling. How unpleasant to be subject to even conventional intimacies such as clamoring from bathroom stalls or a lovers quarrel through shared apartment walls. I had hoped that at my age I would not persist in such inconsiderate acts, but please know that from such practices I truly believe that my wife and I are being to hit our stride.
I assume the price of the sheets will be deducted from our deposit, I insist, but seeing as the sheets were of 180 thread count at best, please deduct the proper amount and not the total of the deposit. Improper is Improper yet fair is fair.
Please accept my apology for any troubles this, undoubtedly, caused you.
Thank you for your patience.
The Guests of Room 204